Or,Working With Those That Are Close
You are probably wondering what the above title is leading to. Several months ago my father was diagnosed with cancer. He is 82. His common-law wife (Lois) is 87. Let first talk about Lois.
Lois is not a well person. In the last 10 years she has had a heart attack that lead to three of the ports leaving, and entering the heart to be by-passed. She has also had eight Minnie-strokes; my dad prefers to call them as dizzy spills. Because of the small strokes Lois has lost a great deal of her memory. Along with that she is at a point now where she is incapable of taking care of herself. In a sense it is like having a two-year-old child to take care of. She must be helped to the bathroom, to take a shower, and to move from one room to another. Up until four days ago she could feed herself, however, that is no longer the case.
Now to my dad. He is capable of good thought, and has the ability to look at things as if they are at all times normal. That is he thinks that nothing has happened with Lois that he cannot handle. At this point the cancer is at least fifty to eighty percent curable, thus giving him a fairly normal life (as normal as someone his age might consider). The doctors will be starting chemotherapy here in the next couple of days. The problems have been outlined for him, but in his mind he feels he can weather the storm that is to come over the next nine weeks of his life. He feels that even with the fact his kidneys are only operating at approximately sixty percent he will get though this treatment. Hence, he also believes that he will be able to care for Lois when all is said, and done.
Is not going to happen. At present even though his mind is sharp his ability to maneuver on his own are really quite unreal. He has to have a wheel chair to move around (bad knees, won’t support him).
My dad along with Lois are at present living in what is known as a Life Care Center. My dad was placed in the center after under going an operation to remove a large cancer growth around both the heart, and liver. He has been there for close to one-hundred days. The purpose was to rebuild his strength for the chemotherapy. Lois because she was incapable of caring for herself was placed in a nursing home (a very nice one in which she has her own studio apartment).
All the family members (both families) have done what they can in caring for these two (special) old people, however, they also have their own families to tend to, hence, they have all come and gone. That leaves me to work with these two wonderful people. However, there is a problem with that. Even though I have no attachments (my kids are grown and on their own) there is a problem here. I have made no bones that I am a diabetic whose has lost both legs. That means I am also in a wheelchair. So about all I can do is to go to these homes to give them comfort, and someone to talk with. In Lois’s case someone to help feed her.
This is not about me, or the families involved, though at times it be truly tiring working with both Dad, and Lois. One reason is the distance I have to deal with on a daily bases. I have a SUV that is specify designed for me to drive. I drive sixty miles around trip from the house they own (where I am staying) to where Lois is staying. I go over in the morning to help the staff feed her, and read to her. My dad is about ten miles from the house (round trip). Most of what I do when visiting him is just talk and play cribbage.
The doctors, nurses, and care takers who work at these places are to me very special. I go into these two homes six days a week for about two hours at each. However, the people who work in these two homes are there for as much as ten hours a day five to six days a week. The turn overin personnel is quite high, and after seeing the work they have to do it is truly understandable why. These individuals work with folks who are dieing. They see it every single day.
In the two and a half months I have been here four people have died (just at the center my dad is in). The staff at both these homes have to work so hard to comfort the ones who have lost a mother or father. They have to listen to the fact that everyone wants to blame them for the loss of a loved one. The hard working nurses and care givers have to endure the possibility of death every day. The old people that are in these centers come here because others are incapable of caring for them, or just plain don’t care what happens. Some of those helpless folks have out lived their own children, and other family members, thus the only family they have are those who work in these homes. One last thing; remember what it was like growing up when you ,and would fight with your siblings; it can be worst between the elderly. And, again the care givers have to put up with these childish problems everyday.
As I move around the hallways of the Life Care Center (where my dad is) I can’t help but believe that the people working here aren’t saints. If you only believe the crap you hear on the TV, what might appear in print, or you hear from some politician (attempting to get elected/reelected) then I can only say look into it personally. This cannot be an easy job feeding and changing these folks as if they were babies. Enduring the SH.. they get each day from those who have no idea what is like to work in the high pressure environment the centers are. Nor, do the get the respect that they desire for a job that few people can endure.
“MY HAT” is off to all those of you who work in type of CARE CENTER.
Pamela Joanne